Wednesday, June 23, 2010

What a difference a year makes

One year ago today, my life was shattered into a million pieces. I felt like nothing would ever be the same again, and I had no idea what the future held for me. I thought that every dream I had for my life and my family and my children had changed. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and I shook. My hands would not stop shaking, and I could not stop crying. The way I felt about this little baby girl inside of me had changed so quickly and so immediately. I wasn't sure what her quality of life would be, and I didn't know how our lives were going to change once she got here. I wanted to hope for the best, but there were so many unanswered questions, and terrifying statistics. All of the sudden google was the scariest place in the world, and the words spina bifida were completely and totally depressing.

As the week went on, we found hope. Through prayer I realized that I needed to change the way I was thinking about this child. She was going to come to me exactly how my Heavenly Father wanted her to come to me. He had a plan for our family. And this was not the big "trial" that I always worried about because my life was far to easy. This was my daughter who I will love and adore, and she will add so much to my life. This baby is not my burden, she is a blessing. It sounds so simple, but at the time it was extremely profound. I also found other mothers online who knew what was to come with the spina bifida. We found a message board that we were able to ask them questions, and we looked at their children on blogs. These were happy, adorable, wonderful kids and we felt so much better seeing their stories. We also learned about the MOMS study, and that gave us purpose. It was less than 4 weeks after the diagnosis that I had prenatal surgery for Kaitlyn. It went by VERY fast, and we were able to focus all of our energy and attention on getting admitted and qualifying for that clinical trial. And it was very hard, and miserable, and difficult, but we made it through, and I'm so glad we did.

Before we knew it, our daughter was born. She was so tiny and adorable. She looked just like Damon and had the same chubby cheeks and Audrey. She was perfect, and I loved her so much. I am so grateful that we had this last year to grow as a family. That we were able to add this wonderful little girl into our lives. She does so many things we never thought she would do. She moves her legs and feet and toes, she rolls around, and she is very social and sweet.

Sometimes I get caught up on the little things, like she can't stand up and bear weight in her legs yet. And she isn't sitting up for long without tumbling over. I go to church and see the younger babies doing some of it, and I forget that she has to overcome so much more than they do. I am so proud of her, and I know she belongs in this family. Kaitlyn is our miracle.






14 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post, Shelly! She is such a darling little girl! I love her sweet smiles! It can be daunting with special needs children (I KNOW!) but you are an incredible mom and Kaitlyn is a blessed girl to be your daughter! :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shelly, you guys are just amazing! Those sweet little adorable children and the amazing parents you are . . . truly blessed to know you guys! Wish we were still near by :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. shelly, this is beautiful. your little family is adorable and a wonderful example of embracing what heavenly father has for us and enjoying it. kaitlyn is beautiful, and you are such an inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Shelly, what an eloquent and sweet post. It's exciting how much Kaitlyn is able to do physically and how much she has been and will be able to do to touch people spiritually.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This almost makes me cry! I really wish we lived close to you guys, because I want to be around you and your family more often. You truly inspire me. And little Kaitlyn! What a beautiful, beautiful girl, and I so look forward to meeting her one day. I'm so grateful that we all have the gospel in our lives to help us with the perspective we need. We love you so much!

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a year for the Burrs! And you handled it with such courage, grace, and strength. We love you guys!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh she is so cute. I've been impressed with how you've handled this from day one. What an amazing team you and Kendall are! Lots of love.

    ReplyDelete
  8. She is adorable and a miracle! Remember you can't think of her as a 9-month-old. She's really only 7 1/2 months past her due date. Neither one of my kids sat up until about 8 months. She is doing great!

    ReplyDelete
  9. you guys are a great example to have faith and allow prayer to help you find purpose and understanding. She really is such a miracle. She is beautiful. What a cute family you have!

    ReplyDelete
  10. The sweetest post, and I have tears, Shelly. Thank you. Kaitlyn is truly a blessing in all of our lives. We do believe in God's tender mercies. He has been helping you from the beginning. She IS fulfilling a great purpose. We love her, and we love you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I just finished reading all of your posts and watching all of your videos.....again! I have to get my grandkids fix. I'm so proud to be the mother of such a wonderful mother. You and Kendall are an amazing team. I miss you all and keep you constantly in my prayers. As hard as it was for you to be away from Damon and Audrey last summer, they have left so much love in our home and our hearts. We would do it again in a heartbeat. Please kiss them all for us, and a special kiss for Kaitlyn. We are so proud of her. We miss you all so much and look forward to being together again soon.

    Love always,
    Grandma Ferrin

    ReplyDelete
  12. Very tender post. I am so glad that you have such beautiful children that I can be an auntie to! I hope to see them all (and you and Kendall, of course) before too long. Kaitlyn really has overcome so much already and is making amazing progress. I'm proud of her!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi, I am the owner of the blog of photography http://photographymc.blogspot.com/

    I have added in the favorite, your blog is really beautiful and useful compliments ;-)

    I would like an exchange links with you.

    In my photography blog articles on photographic techniques, Photoshop tutorials, digital cameras and photomontage.

    Tell me what do you think.

    ReplyDelete
  14. She is a little miracle, and a beautiful girl. Love your insights!

    ReplyDelete